Translation: AT&T and Unlimited Data Usage Customers
I am one of the lucky few who was grandfathered into an unlimited data plan with AT&T. Quite frankly, this is the number one reason I’ve stayed with AT&T the past couple of years.
Well, if you are like me, you likely received an email recently from AT&T about your data usage.
The following is the text of that AT&T email, followed by a DailySkew corporate quotation translation, where we take what was said, and translate it into what they meant to say:
Quote:
Dear TONT VAHL,
Like other wireless companies, AT&T is taking steps to manage exploding demand for mobile data. We’re responding on many levels, including investing billions in our wireless network this year and working to acquire more network capacity.
As mentioned on a previous bill, we’re also taking additional, more immediate steps to help address network congestion and improve reliability. One of these steps involves a change for some customers who use extraordinarily large amounts of data in a single billing period – about 12 times more data than the average smartphone user.
For the current billing cycle, your data usage indicates you could be affected by this change. Here’s how it works:
Smartphone customers with unlimited data plans may experience reduced speeds once their usage in a billing cycle reaches the level that puts them among the top 5 percent of heaviest data users. These customers can still use unlimited data and their speeds will be restored with the start of the next billing cycle.
We’re writing because you are in the top 5 percent of heaviest data users for this billing cycle. Because we recognize that data usage can change from month to month, you will not see reduced speeds this billing cycle.
Beginning with your next billing cycle, we’ll send you a text message if you are approaching the top 5 percent of heaviest data users. We’ll also send you a second text message if you cross into the top 5 percent of heaviest users, at which point you may see reduced speeds for the rest of the month.
Customers have several ways to manage extremely high data usage.
Wi-Fi offers great speeds and doesn’t add to your wireless data usage. Consider using Wi-Fi when possible for applications that use the highest amounts of data, such as streaming video apps, remote web camera apps, large data-file transfers (like video) and some online gaming.
You may also consider switching to a tiered data plan if speed is more important to you than having an unlimited data plan. Customers on tiered plans can pay for more data if they need it, and will not see reduced speeds.
To estimate how much data different activities use, and find out more about Wi-Fi or tiered data plans, visit https://www.att.com/dataplans or call Customer Care at 800-331-0500.
Translation:
Before we get started, we’d like to remind you that if you switch to Verizon or T-Mobile, you’re going to get essentially the same deal on mobile data. We are rubbing our hands in delight at the many revenue opportunities data plans afford us, billions earned on our clunky 3g network, allowing us to upgrade to LTE and charge you more. After the T-Mobile fiasco, we need the money.
We are tired of hearing complaints about how slow our network is, and we truly regret offering you an unlimited data plan that you, ahem, take advantage of. Since you stream data the way the Mississippi River flows downstream, we will throttle data after you reach 2gb, in the hopes you will give up the unlimited plan and sign up for a tiered plan.
We’ve been throttling your data for months, but we’re going to turn it up a notch starting now. Here’s are the terms of your surrender:
If you are using an unlimited plan, you are automatically in our top 5 percent of users by default. There are not many of you left with unlimited data plans, so you really have no weight to stop this. Even if all of you leave for Verizon or Sprint, it will not hurt our bottom line, and we’re confident some of you would return. If some of you break your contract early, we will happily collect that early termination fee.
We will not reduce your speeds more than we already are this billing cycle, but trust us: we are looking forward to frustrating you in the coming months, until you acquiesce to our demands.
Next billing cycle, we will send you text message threats, reminding you of our demands, and threatening to hold your data flow hostage until you switch to one of our tiered plans.
There are several ways you can free your data stream to your phone.
You can sit at Starbucks or McDonalds all day and use Wi-Fi, or get one of our mobile hotspots for a fee.
Of course, why get a hotspot when you already have a smartphone? Hahaha, you know you want all that data on your phone, flowing freely. A nice tiered plan, where you pay us $25 for 2gb and $10 for each gb you go over, will take care of that. And when LTE comes out in your area, we will charge you a, uh, fair market price for access to that speedy goodness.
To sign up for one of our unthrottled data plans and release yourself from the bondage of unlimited data, visit https://www.att.com/dataplans or call Customer Fleecing at 800-331-0500.
